how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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