why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
