If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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