just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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