There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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