I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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