Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
