So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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