I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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