Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
