So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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