Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
