Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
