The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
