You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
