I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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