every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize