You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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