I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
