Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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