No awkward lesbian experiences without me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you had me at cake vodka
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
