saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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