i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
