Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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