I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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