The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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