I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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