Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
