is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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