Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
