I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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