Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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