I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
