the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
