omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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