I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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