walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
