Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
