even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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