It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
