nut hugger
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
