my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
