I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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