I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
