Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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