mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
