Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
