dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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