i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
