nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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