Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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