it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
