woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
