But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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