nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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