Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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