Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
