i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
