if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
