When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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