she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
