Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
