She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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