I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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