it was like eating out sand paper
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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