I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
