There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
