she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize