your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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