I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
