I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
