That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
