i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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