And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
