Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
