2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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