im about as happy as oj after his trial
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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