I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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