it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
