I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
