a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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